Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I started this blog off with too many words so I have edited it for brevity's sake. I hope you haven't been here before I post this message. To make what could be a very long story short, I think I had a heart attack last night. So what do I do? I completely go into denial and take myself home to lie down. Probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. And even today, what do I do? I got up this morning and went to work!!

I feel cheated in some way...and most definitely in denial. I keep telling myself that nothing is wrong. I know what this feels like. So why do I keep talking myself out of it. I keep telling myself that I should live another 10 years or so. Shit, my mom did. Others I have talked to have lived 8 plus years. So why am I having heart attacks again after only one year. I'm still young! Should this even be happening?

I guess you can tell; I have worked myself into a frenzy today with worry and now I sit here with tears filling my eyes every time I think about it. I came to this blogspot this morning just to tell you that if I wasn't here when you call this evening that I went to the hospital. That was all. I just wanted you to know where I was. But now I have that burning desire to say those things that I want to say just in case...

So, if I"m not here tonight and you can't reach me tomorrow...please look for me. Well, that's all. I think you know what I mean. Please just look for me.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Now that I've started this thing...

I want to post forever!! mwahahahaha (insert evil laughter)

The problem is what would I post. All day long I sit at this computer at work, listening to music to bring my stress level down, wanting to be online. I think I'm addicted to being online. First it was chat. Then it was groups. Now it's still groups (and I'm a member of many lol) and now of all things, this blogging stuff. Who will read my words? Ask any of my friends (and the so-called ones too lol) and I'm sure they would tell ya that I could talk forever.

Take for instance today...

I got up this morning in a wonderful mood. The weather was crispy and the sky loomed with a darkness of impending rain, but believe it or not, it felt good. When I got to work I was early so I did my normal stuff. Turned on the computer, set up my meds for the week, talked trash with Sherrie about our holiday weekend and fussed at Josh (co-worker) for turning the main lights on. (Note: Sherrie and I like to sit in the dark like vampires until the office opens lol) I don't know why we do this, we JUST do!

Today, I'm feeling the pressure of working in a law office. By the time the day ended, I wanted to cry, scream and kill lol! Man, what a ride! But now...the office is quiet again, it's 5:29 pm, and everyone is almost gone. (Just me & Trace)

I love the sound of nothing...

Hey Nosey (giggles to herself)

I knew you wouldn't be able to resist coming here to check my blog out. (sighs) Check out my music and tell me what you think. Some of the songs I'm not sure I want any more. Hey, did ya notice the Slow Dive...ok, after listening to about 20 freaky, scary "wanna-kill-my-momma" songs, I chose these. I'm still spooked! Thanks Boo!!!!