Unbelievable

I started this blog off with too many words so I have edited it for brevity's sake. I hope you haven't been here before I post this message. To make what could be a very long story short, I think I had a heart attack last night. So what do I do? I completely go into denial and take myself home to lie down. Probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. And even today, what do I do? I got up this morning and went to work!!

I feel cheated in some way...and most definitely in denial. I keep telling myself that nothing is wrong. I know what this feels like. So why do I keep talking myself out of it. I keep telling myself that I should live another 10 years or so. Shit, my mom did. Others I have talked to have lived 8 plus years. So why am I having heart attacks again after only one year. I'm still young! Should this even be happening?

I guess you can tell; I have worked myself into a frenzy today with worry and now I sit here with tears filling my eyes every time I think about it. I came to this blogspot this morning just to tell you that if I wasn't here when you call this evening that I went to the hospital. That was all. I just wanted you to know where I was. But now I have that burning desire to say those things that I want to say just in case...

So, if I"m not here tonight and you can't reach me tomorrow...please look for me. Well, that's all. I think you know what I mean. Please just look for me.